So it’s a two-hander, a buddy comedy, form of King of Comedy meets The Odd Couple — nevertheless it’s in 3D, like all the films at the moment are since Avatar: The Approach of Water made you overlook that it doesn’t work for something however Avatars.

We open with a crane shot on a crowded theme park. From behind, we see a person ready in a protracted line along with his 4 grandkids, depressing as a result of his Disney Genie+ card is stamped “inactive.” We shut in to see that it’s former Disney CEO Bob Chapek (image Dwayne Johnson). Whereas a Mickey Mouse castmember poses along with his grandkids, a stewing Chapek seems to be away. His eyes mild upon a Steamboat Willie poster. And, for the primary time, we see him smile. In 3D!

Chapek drops off his grandkids after which speeds via city, chopping exhausting turns round detours as a result of all of the streets are blocked for the seven completely different movies being made in regards to the FTX scandal, all starring Jonah Hill.

Ultimately, Chapek runs onto the It Chapter 3 set, the place a person is making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, placing them in a pile on a desk. We see that it’s Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav (Rick Moranis’ comeback function) working at craft providers to verify director Andy Muschietti brings the movie in below $10 million. He’s additionally crossing out all of the script pages in regards to the child bent on avenging his murdered pet, given all the excitement Dave Chappelle has generated for SNL along with his opening monologue defending canine preventing.

Chapek tells Zaslav that at midnight on Dec. 31, the copyright runs out on Mickey Mouse. And he’s received a plan for revenge on Bob Iger. It’s a film referred to as Mickey Mouse: Rodent’s Wrath.

They comply with make the film. Downside is, they want a star. One which, Zaslav insists, works for $35 an hour.

We lower to the 2023 Oscars ceremony, the place the Academy’s new president (and proprietor), Elon Musk, is presenting all of the awards. When he declares Will Smith as greatest actor, Smith — who was banned, then unbanned, then rebanned from the ceremony — has as a substitute despatched a hologram of Chris Rock to just accept the award on his behalf. In 3D! (Rock decides to not sue.)

Chapek races over to the Tower Bar, the place Smith is making an acceptance speech to drunk vacationers. Chapek tries to speak Smith into starring in Mickey Mouse: Rodent’s Wrath, however Smith passes, afraid of angering Iger.

Chapek leaves the restaurant, the place he then spots Ezra Miller — who has been banned from all eating places — berating the doorman. Chapek gives Miller a component as a serial killer in Rodent’s Wrath, to assist soften Miller’s picture. They drive off to Zaslav’s home.

As the 2 execs work with Miller on his function, the producers get a information alert. Kim Jong Un has issued a press release commending the outcomes of the WGA vote: 114 p.c of the members conform to strike. And so they’ve gotten the DGA and SAG-AFTRA to affix. Miller is out.

Worse but, their advertising and marketing plan for the movie falls aside when it takes the networks six months to note that Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers have all stepped down from their jobs. Contract negotiations are holding up their replacements, which is hard since they’re all being changed by Kevin Hart, who is on the market solely throughout meal breaks. And there’s no manner Zaslav goes to pay the form of advert charges being commanded by She’s Unbelievable Fabricated from Plastic, the nation’s No. 1 podcast, by which the unique solid rewatches Small Surprise.

Then, in a montage that’s an homage to the Judy Garland-Mickey Rooney motion pictures, Zaslav and Chapek make the film themselves. And it’s a success! Rodent’s Wrath brings in $7 million, which makes it the No. 1, non-Avatar theatrical launch of the 12 months. Sadly, individuals love vengeful Mickey a lot that he turns into the brand new child Yoda — however as a result of Mickey Mouse is now within the public area, everybody can use Chapek’s hit character nonetheless they need. Iger seizes on this and begins merch-ing. Disney inventory rises 30 p.c by bringing boys to the theme parks with Rodent’s Wrath rides and promoting plastic as-wielded-by-Mickey scimitars. Which slice at us in 3D!

Iger, considering Chapek is a genius, brings him into his workplace to rent him again as his successor. Till Iger receives an alert on his telephone. We fade out on Iger’s iPhone, which shows a ballot exhibiting Biden behind by 15 factors to Ron DeSantis.

Loglines From Your Future

THR requested creatives to quick-pitch an concept for a film set within the not-too-distant business (the truth that they’re all so dystopian was not a part of the project … however is telling)

Damon Lindelof

Author-producer (Watchmen, The Leftovers)

A actuality present that’s a mixture of The White Lotus (as a result of it’s self-aware) and Love Island (as a result of intercourse) the place all of the leisure CEOs get drunk and flirt with each other till all of them hook up and pair off into new mega-conglomerates like DisFlix and AppleCast.

Patton Oswalt

Actor-comedian

A Dr. Strangelove-style restricted collection a few collapsing streamer that says a “reboot” of a franchise that by no means existed and makes use of present social media (Twitter, YouTube, Insta) to start out planting “clips” of the franchise (a supernatural horror action-comedy) into the mass thoughts, making a basic “false reminiscence” of this beloved property earlier than unveiling its shiny new reboot. Downside is, they do such job “meme-ing” this false reminiscence into individuals’s brains that it triggers a mass Mandela Impact, and American society begins to truly doubt current historical past, resulting in an apocalyptic disaster.

Aisha Tyler

Actress-comedian-director

On this absurdist sci-fi buddy romp, Kanye West’s and Elon Musk’s on-line personalities merge right into a self-reverential auto-aware Skynet, however their hubristic fantasies of world domination are foiled spectacularly when a extra highly effective AI entity with Ali Wong’s consciousness blocks them on Raya.

Jason Bateman

Actor-director-podcaster

On this Purple Daybreak meets Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Child buddy comedy, the expertise guilds unite in a strike for higher charges in newly booming VR and Bryan Lourd and Ari Emanuel fly to the Solar Valley convention for some high-level-shit disturbance on their Large Tech counterparts.

Michael Inexperienced

Author (Loss of life on the Nile, Blade Runner 2049)

On this fish-out-of-water comedy titled Come From Atlay, a tiny farm city in Colorado immediately turns into dwelling to Hollywood’s most eccentric personalities after each single manufacturing leaves Georgia due to its unsafe reproductive well being legal guidelines.

Marvin Lemus

Director-showrunner (Gentefied)

A Mad Max meets Hellraiser dystopian sci-fi the place Elon Musk buys Netflix as a result of they canceled Wednesday after its second season. Elon then greenlights at least 24 scripted and docuseries explaining how Twitter’s demise was not his fault.

Samantha Irby

Comic-writer (And Simply Like That)

Hackers meets Earlier than Dawn meets Robin Hood: Males in Tights. A two-hander about a few IT nerds who could or could not fall in love whereas rescuing all of the beloved reveals which were unceremoniously zapped from streaming providers and burning them onto DVDs earlier than dropping them into the mailboxes of random individuals below the duvet of night time. Clearly, the top honchos on the networks need to hunt them down and break their fingers. Will they be caught earlier than they’ve the prospect to bone atop a pile of discarded episodes of Westworld??? Gotta watch to seek out out!

Rodney Rothman

Author (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)

On this suspense thriller referred to as Untitled Tax Write-Off, a film star (Mark Wahlberg) has 119 minutes to get MrBeast to conform to co-star with him or his new boss will cancel the discharge of Untitled Tax Write-Off.

This story first appeared within the Dec. 16 difficulty of The truestarz journal. Click on right here to subscribe.