If you happen to’re going to do an Overboard knockoff that slides into the generic sludge of sentimental holiday-season rom-com, then no less than discover a few leads with the charisma and chemistry to drag it off. Except you’re feverish with pleasure on the prospect of Lindsay Lohan’s display screen comeback — and if you’re, I’m sorry in your life — Falling for Christmas gained’t offer you a lot pleasure past the recollection of Goldie and Kurt’s fractious, frisky rapport within the 1987 favourite about an obnoxious amnesiac heiress who falls for a blue-collar misogynist. As a mannequin for stars with terrific comedy chops elevating mediocre materials, there are worse beginning factors.

This sub-Hallmark dreck made by a bunch of hacks that don’t need to be named is the primary movie out of Lohan’s Netflix deal and her first characteristic in three years. To not beat up on a former little one star who has overcome greater than her share of demons, but when that is the most effective car she might discover, ready one other three may not have been a nasty thought.

I get the elemental pleasures of the basic-cable vacation film that the streamers at the moment are desirous to get in on — flat performing barely a notch up from soaps; bland visuals much less polished than a Hershey’s Christmas industrial; toothless plotting with nothing to offend your grandma in Ohio; a cheerful ending through which everyone seems to be left beaming with hearts full of affection and seasonal cheer. However even that system calls for a modicum of humor and verve.

Lohan performs Sierra Belmont, daughter of a rich resort magnate, which immediately made me want they’d meta-cast Paris Hilton. Since no form of performing nuance seems to be required, no less than she may need had some enjoyable with it. Once we first meet Sierra, she’s been flown up by her father Beauregard (Jack Wagner) in his non-public airplane to his luxurious ski resort to debate preserving her out of bother by appointing her Vice President of Ambiance. However Sierra has different plans, as does her useless British social media influencer boyfriend Tad (George Younger), who screams “homosexual” so loud he takes the shock out of a later plot flip.

Sierra is assigned a private assistant (Chase Ramsey) and a glam squad to arrange her for lunch with Daddy, and far ado is manufactured from her selecting an ugly-ass firetruck-red onesie recognized as “the Valenyagi.” Whereas that outfit earns its personal slo-mo elevator exit with wind machine, it’s principally the form of hideousness you get when your ersatz film can’t land an actual couture endorsement and also you need to recommend, oh, I don’t know, Valentino, Balenciaga and Issey Miyake?

Equally inauthentic is romantic lead Chord Overstreet, who’s what you get rather than a Chris Hemsworth. The Glee alum right here exudes the magnetism of a potato, although admittedly, that’s as a lot the script’s fault as his.

Overstreet performs Jake Russell, the cash-strapped proprietor of a much more modest family-run mountain retreat, the North Star Lodge, who’s simply been turned down by Beau for an funding stake when he collides with Sierra and spills cocoa on the Valenyagi. This sends Tad right into a flap however doesn’t go away sufficient of an impression on Jake for him to acknowledge Sierra when he finds her unconscious on the backside of a mountain.

That occurs after Tad proposes in the midst of a mountaintop Instagram picture opp and Sierra goes for a tumble, colliding with a tree. Tad falls within the different course and will get conveniently caught out of the way in which with wildnerness ice-fisherman Ralph (Sean Dillingham).

Since Jake’s struggling institution has loads of spare rooms within the runup to Christmas, he volunteers to place the unidentified Sierra up on the North Star, the place she bonds together with her just lately widowed rescuer’s plucky daughter Ava (Olivia Perez) and kindly mother-in-law Alejandra (Alejandra Flores). I assume Ava’s lacking tooth is supposed to be cute, however there’s solely a lot lovely mugging I might take.

Not like Kurt Russell’s Overboard character, sad-eyed Jake is simply too good to take advantage of his memory-deprived visitor, however she decides to pitch in anyway. No hilarity ensues as pampered Sierra tries and fails to make beds, cook dinner breakfast, clear a bathroom or do laundry. (Paris would have killed this; she’s already completed most of it on The Easy Life.) However once they go to a Christmas market on the town and a twinkly-eyed previous Santa sort (Bus Riley) will get wind of Ava’s secret want, issues start to shift.

No prizes for guessing that Sierra might be acing the housekeeping chores and flipping pancakes earlier than lengthy, as she and Jake begin exchanging swoony glances. She additionally digs into her residual reminiscence financial institution to do what all ineffective heiresses are genetically programmed to do — throw a fundraiser!

All that is allowed to go on for 4 days as a result of Beau is away on enterprise and Sierra’s minders appear to have forgotten about her, simply as no person on this bustling city appears to acknowledge a socialite heiress who early on complains that she desires to be often known as greater than the spoiled daughter of Beauregard Belmont. Little question they’re all too busy with healthful pursuits to be on social media or learn TMZ.

The script is past formulaic, so after all, when Beau returns to the resort and sends out a search occasion, Sierra will get yanked again to her actual life simply in time to reevaluate it. She additionally experiences a heart-tugging montage of dreamy Jake moments set to a tune referred to as “With out You,” carried out by the star’s sister, Aliana Lohan. (I forgot to test the credit to see if Dina did the catering.)

Lindsay Lohan has as a lot proper as anybody to try a comeback, however the excessive factors of her rocky profession have principally been about the fitting placement in winsome showcases — The Guardian Lure, Freaky Friday, Imply Women, A Prairie House Companion — fairly than any notable performing vary. Right here, there’s little to differentiate between Sierra in monstrously entitled mode and Sierra remodeled by the kindness of trustworthy of us enduring actual wrestle. It’s primarily her outfits which can be completely different. The one individual actually making an effort is Younger, however even excessive Tad wears skinny.

The film seems low-cost, with a startlingly dangerous green-screen ski sequence and a few animatronic critters that can idiot nobody. The principle expense appears to be the vacation songs plastered all around the soundtrack. In a single in-joke, Sierra wakes as much as the acquainted Netflix ta-dum emblem tone and may’t change off quick sufficient when A Fortress for Christmas pops up on her TV. However no less than that Yuletide entry had a stunning location and charming leads in Brooke Shields and Cary Elwes. This shabby pretend must be so fortunate; it’s a real Valenyagi.